Don’t forget to understand the lesson
of the fool
who tries to trade in his swan
for an ugly ducking.
For a wise man
may easily disguise himself
as a fool
another wise man.
Although it is unlikely that the ugly duckling
has swallowed many precious jewels and gems
or an ingot of gold,
with lease-to-buy options on portable
x-rays machines so reasonable nowadays,
it pays to have one handy
for exactly these type of situations,
especially if you deal ugly ducklings in bulk.
Lacking an x-ray machine,
but still fearing that the fool
may indeed be a wise man,
you could also buy an inexpensive
one-way ticket from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh
(which will put you out only about $59 – I know. It’s crazy.)
and run the ugly duckling through the TSA scanner
at the airport.
If there are indeed gems, jewels or gold ingots
inside of your ugly duckling
you can always feign ignorance
when asked about it by the TSA agent
and say something like
“So that’s why Harold hasn’t been himself lately!”