The term, “Aztec,” is a startlingly imprecise term
            to describe the culture
            that formed between
            the Allegheny and
            the Monongahela rivers
            in the 1970′s.

A much better term is “Steelers Country,”
            although if you say “Stillers Country”
            we’ll know what you mean.

A rich man might share shame
        with the poor man,
        but under no circumstances will he
        share his private executive restroom
        with him.

He will direct him to the bathroom in the hall
        past the elevators
        next to the janitor’s closet
        or immediately call security –
        depending on his mood.

If the poor man approaches the rich man
        with a 30 gallon trash bag or tinfoil
        used as an article of clothing
        the rich man will definitely
        call security.

His secretary will in all likelihood
        get an earful as well.

Before you book a journey of revenge
        you must always think of the duck
        who took his revenge
        upon the poisoned apple in the road
        and never rose again.

After remembering to avoid eating random fruit found on a highway
        make sure your guns are cleaned and oiled
        and your silencers all fit
        just like you airtight alibis.

Take three times as much ammo
        as you think you’ll need
        and an ample supply of wigs and fake facial hair
        and changes of clothes and gloves and plastic bags.

Make sure your taser
        is charged
        and don’t forget to bring the charger.

Never forget to have small guns
        in ankle holsters
        and several knives secreted on your body.

And it probably never hurts
        to have a couple of cans
        of police-issued pepper spray either.