It’s never very romantic,
no matter your accent or inflection,
to tell your one true love on the cusp of your very first kiss,
“You know, most human mouths would never pass a health inspection.”
“It’s the bacteria and all that.”
All posts tagged anti-poetry
Just Kiss Her
Posted by Tom Busillo on November 20, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/11/20/just-kiss-her/
The Five Things I Remember About You
I remember your cheeks a rosy pink
like fresh handprints in a spanking fetish watercolor
I remember you pulling a jeweled drawer handle
and languages fell out
I remember you weaving a basket
of breakfast sausages that the dog ate
I remember you crying in a restaurant
confused and overwhelmed by the difference between bratwurst and knockwurst
I remember the smell of your hands
when I started to hyperventilate
and you stuffed an over-sized jawbreaker
into my mouth to stop me from breathing
Posted by Tom Busillo on November 15, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/11/15/the-five-things-i-remember-about-you/
Last Known Communication
I am on a mountaintop.
There is just so much stunning scenery
to show you and so much detail to capture
that I almost forget that
I am here to sell
a 1932 NYPD murder photo
of the mobster Vincenzo Colletti
whose tones and stunning depth and clarity
even rivals traditional silver halide prints.
There’s my man now.
Damnit.
I told him to come alone -
no sherpas.
Luckily I brought 2 cans of
Sherpa-stun,
but they seem to be expired.
This could very well turn ugly,
and I might not make it.
Luckily, my father taught me at a very young age
to always carry several carrier pigeons in my pocket
just for this type of emergency.
If you receive this,
go immediately into my study,
break open my pirate’s cove Christmas Snow globe
and lift up lid on the treasure chest.
In there, you will find
a tiny mummified finger.
Bring this to Britemeyer.
He will take it from there.
Do whatever he tells you.
No matter what happens
or what they say about me,
just know two things:
One: I always loved you more than her
(Britemeyer will fill you in on the “her”),
and
Two: I was only following orders.
Except for the incident with the daschunds.
I simply never liked them.
Posted by Tom Busillo on November 13, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/11/13/last-known-communication/
The Coals of The New Sacred
I used to carry the coals
of the new sacred
equipped with 100% memory foam
a detachable large blade
and a rear ripper attachment
for forgetting.
I’d delight in found grill collar loin bellies
and Red Meat of any kind
stuffed, mashed, torn or shaped, sliced or diced.
So, Happy Birthday to me,
my best friend wears a wearable nursing pillow slipcover
and used to have a moustache.
So, Happy Birthday to me,
all the little children run when they see
my beard of flies.
So, Happy Birthday to me,
Dick Cheney shot me in the face.
Posted by Tom Busillo on October 31, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/10/31/the-coals-of-the-new-sacred/
Your Tears Smell Like Bacon Grease and Have a Similar Viscosity
1
Your tears smell like bacon grease
and have a similar viscosity
like what’s made you cry is being full of a bad breakfast
or finding that they used wild robin’s eggs and deer bacon
when wild robins and deer are so precious
and much closer to extinction than common chickens or pigs
not that the repo man has come to repossess
our 3-hole punch when we only had 2 payments left.
2
I hold your face in the sink
under a cylindrical waterfall of scalding hot water
dousing you with Dawn dishwashing liquid
then scouring your cheeks with a Chore-Boy,
and you twist your head up and break into a smile
of liquid blue Dawn dripping across your enamel teeth.
I always use much more dishwashing liquid than is necessary
and am not a very accurate pourer.
3
I dry you off and see
how pink your cheeks are,
indicating to me that you must be blushing.
It’s OK.
You don’t have to blush
or be embarrassed
or ashamed of your emotions.
I liked having the 3-hole punch too.
4
So they’ve come
and repossessed our 3-hole punch.
But we’ll get over it.
We’re resourceful.
We can always draw tiny circles in the margin
and cut them out with an Exacto knife.
It will give us something to do
when we’re not crying.
Posted by Tom Busillo on August 6, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/08/06/your-tears-smell-like-bacon-grease-and-have-a-similar-viscosity/
To a Young Weightlifter Died Young
1
I blame you not for lying in an orchard
lifting weights with Keats –
for lifting weights with Keats
is a sublime pleasure.
I blame you for not knowing
how poor of a spotter he would make.
2
wouldst Keats had but lifted up his part
wouldst thy windpipe be not crushed
and within our family’s marble vault
would only be Uncle Frankie and emptiness
not you lying there
under marble
wearing your weightbelt
looking ready to work out
and get PUMPED UP!!!
arms at your side as if supine
(meaning “lying down”)
on your favorite bench
ready to do reverse leg lifts -
which are excellent for conditioning
the lower abdomen -
ready for their rigors
hath not rigor mortis
stolen the power of movement
and taken it to a place
where even time and rest
and Red Bulls and 5-Hour Energy
cannot restore proper motor function
3
if you knew what irony was
you would find it very ironic
how hard your abs must be
now that you are dead
4
too soon, too soon
all the lifts you would have made
all the squat thrusts and one-armed dumbbell rows
and lying-down triceps curls
and that thing with the bar you pull down –
the lat machine! –
all the pull downs of the lat machine
so many, many, many times
pulling down the bar from above your head
to resting it briefly on your shoulders
then back up again
one complete repetition
of a lat machine pull-down
followed by 7 more
or if you’re doing a super-slo set
3 more performed very, very, very slowly
relying on the powerful
muscle-rippling power of isometrics
5
I grunt for all the grunts you can no longer make
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
EEEEnnnnnnnuuuu!
AAAAAAAA!!!!
I puff my cheeks and blow hard through my lips
like this
(POWERFUL INHALE)
(POWERFUL EXHALE)
and this
(POWERFUL INHALE)
(POWERFUL EXHALE)
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
EEEEnnnnnnnuuuu!
AAAAAAAA!!!!
(POWERFUL INHALE)
(POWERFUL EXHALE)
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
GGGrrrrrrrruuuuuuu!!!!!
EEEEnnnnnnnuuuu!
AAAAAAAA!!!!
(POWERFUL INHALE)
(POWERFUL EXHALE)
6
I will grunt for you for all eternity
and you will hear
each of my grunts
for you
will be
my phantom spotter.
Posted by Tom Busillo on August 4, 2010
http://monsterbegood.com/2010/08/04/to-a-young-weightlifter-died-young/
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