on the floor of the minimal tongue

collage poem: on the floor of the minimal tongue

The diamond white blind-spot test featuring unnecessary and beside the point thug warfare in the former Soviet Union

collage poem: the diamond white blind-spot test

On Meeting Coldplay (no. 2)

comic: Meeting Coldplay

my goal today

is to try to leave aside the pain and bitterness
and become a vessel
ergonomically designed, comfortable, and durable,
one that can last up to five times longer than other vessels,
is lighter than other vessels,
yet stronger and virtually unbreakable,
a vessel that is easy to wash and clean,
is dishwasher-safe,
does not take up too much room,
and easily fits in the places where
vessels are usually kept,
but spacious enough to be used in
transporting cargo such as humanitarian aid,
tanks, helicopters, or several battalions of rangers,
while also fast enough
to outrun Iranian speedboats
in the Straits of Hormuz
and capable of being easily retrofitted into
an Aegis guided missile destroyer
or a fast attack submarine equally at home
in open ocean anti-submarine warfare
or surveillance and intelligence gathering
while submerged under the polar ice cap
for several months –
and doing all this while retaining that
fresh from the factory,
new vessel smell.

I’ve read that if done properly,
in the process of becoming a vessel,
you will find so many wonderful things in your life,
usually flat, thin items such as
a piece of armor or a body part that has been flattened,
similar to armor, but made of people-stuff,
I guess, basically any flat structural piece,
such as a flat part of Earth’s crust,
or, if you are very fortunate,
a flat piece of precious metal
which can be exchanged for
other flat, thin things.
Once you are fully a vessel
sometimes you will find
pens useful for falsifying documents, especially financial records,
things like pediatricians offices, supermarkets, parking garages,
a love of classical music or a school for teaching
water survival skills –
all things I am very much
interested in.

geese into the reeds

geese
into the reeds

the important thing
to remember is

a sense of
peace

not severe discomfort
when eating

On the Dangers of Having Options

A horse is placed in a field between two pails of oats. He stands there reviewing and contemplating his options, is paralyzed by indecision, and starves rather than eats.

The horse’s owner comes upon the horse. He stands there reviewing and contemplating whether the horse is sleeping, in a coma, or dead, is paralyzed by indecision, and eventually starves to death.

The son of the horse’s owner finds his father and the horse in the field. He stands there reviewing and contemplating his options, is paralyzed by indecision over whether he should use his left or right hand to nudge his father’s shoulder to tell if he is sleeping, drunk or dead, and dies from insulin shock.

A vulture flying overhead spies the two dead man and their horse and flies down to the field. He stands there reviewing and contemplating which carcass he should eat first, becomes paralyzed with indecision, and also starves rather than eats.

Another vulture flies down into the field. He stands there knowing he will eat the horse first, but when reviewing and contemplating which eyeball to start with, he is paralyzed with indecision and also starves to death.

A third vulture flies into the field. He stands there reviewing and contemplating where exactly the basis for moral action comes from in the absence of a belief in a god or higher power, is paralyzed by indecision, and also starves to death.

A wild dog comes upon the field. He stands there convinced that he will eat one of the vultures first, but, when reviewing and contemplating which vulture to start with, he is paralyzed by indecision, and starves rather than eats.

A man passing by on the nearby road stops his motorcycle. As he stands their reviewing and contemplating this scene of carnage, he becomes paralyzed with indecision trying to decide whether there has been some kind of toxic gas release or if it was some variant of bubonic plague, and he also starves to death.

Another man on the road, also riding a motorcycle, comes upon the dead man and his motorcycle. He becomes paralyzed with indecision while reviewing and contemplating who has the nicer motorcycle. Before he can starve to death, he is hit by a garbage truck.

The driver of the garbage truck gets out and becomes paralyzed with indecision when reviewing and contemplating his options: a) bury the corpse of the motorcyclist he has just killed in the woods, b) bury both the corpse and the motorcycle of the motorcyclist he has just killed in the woods, but leave the other dead motorcyclist and his motorcycle on the road, because he really had nothing to do with that, c) bury both corpses and both motorcycles in the woods; d) attempt to crush both the corpses and the motorcycles in his trash truck; e) finally act on his secret “necrophilia-curious” nature and bugger the corpses of both motorcyclists before disposing of them via some method to be determined. He also starves to death.

In a very similar field, roughly 600 miles away, a minister begins to set up tents for a Church revival. He stands there looking in his toolbox reviewing and contemplating his options, becomes paralyzed with indecision over which hammer to use, and starves to death.

His wife, while bringing pies to the tent from the car, suddenly realizes she is thirsty. She stands there reviewing and contemplating whether she should drink water straight from the bottle she is holding or go back to the car and pour it into a cup, is paralyzed with indecision, and dies of thirst.

And in a nearby prison, an inmate is given only a small, stale piece of bread for dinner and savors every bite.

Very Special Occasion Greeting Card: For the Perpetrator of Floaters or Other Horrors

front of card

very special occasion greeting card: for t he perpetrator of floaters or other horrors

inside of card

ASK I: “Someone Has ‘Cankles’?”

Q: Someone has “cankles”?

A: You have cankles.

Your ankles are your calves all the time.

Don’t draw a trumpet.

Graze.

Instead of a sheath, build boots.

Stretch a shaft.

Don’t wear your lower legs and feet unadorned.

Always optically taper a needle.

If you legs are flesh, wear your bare legs.

Don’t fret when it is time to stand.

Sure, your legs are not straight.

Turn slightly with a hand on your back leg.

Stand with your toes separated, look slimmer!


blackout composition, source: “Ask Teri”, Teri Agins, The Wall Street Journal, 7/26/12.

in situ below…

ASK I: “More Long or Longer?”

Q: Big flowers make me more long or longer?

A: Rest that parade and polka for a while.

Look exciting and panoramic.

It is time to ease into a cool can of black and secure a leopard.

Today, more pumps rain boots and bags.

Choose any tight space, such as a tiny dot.

Zigzag on tar.

Tan.

Take a photo of the mirror from all angles.

Row a sleeve instead of a shirt.

The right delight, more fun than a cross!


blackout composition, source: “Ask Teri”, Teri Agins, The Wall Street Journal, 7/19/12.

in situ below…

Very Special Occasion Greeting Card: Morale Booster For the Student Failing French

front of card

greeting card: morale booster for the student failing French

inside of card

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