J put too much sugar in his coffee.

His wife said, “What are you trying to do? Rot my teeth?”

J sipped from a very hot bowl of soup.

“Are you trying to make me burn my mouth?” asked the wife.

J read a very scarey story.

“Are you trying to make my hair turn white?” she asked.

One very rainy night, when J’s car was in the shop for repairs, he borrowed his wife’s car to run an errand. On a hairpin turn slick with the rain, J lost control of the car, spun into the opposite lane, crashed through its guard rail and proceeded to tumble down a steep hill where the car eventually came to rest before bursting into flames and immolating J.

Many years later, she still angrily scolded his portrait on the mantle at least once day.

“If you wanted me to get a new car, you should have just bought me one instead of trying to kill me!”