He’s very grounded
that Sheriff Andy Taylor
not the kind at all
to go off in a Casita trailer
binging on cocaine
or hop a midnight flight
to make a sex tour of Thailand.

He won’t leave Mayberry
in a sudden fit of self-actualization
to hunt wild boar
instead of jaywalkers
alone in some dense jungle
with a handmade spear
living off the land and
playing drums.

He’s not the type of bad lieutenant
who pulls over female drivers
hoping he can cower them
into trading
blowjobs for a warning
or steals money
from the Armenian mafia.

He never needs to
call in forensics
or an FBI profiler
to find out who stole
the apple pie from the fair.
Doesn’t loose any sleep
worrying about
some serial killer leaving
a doll with parts missing
in his fridge.

We’ve gotten
our fill
of that
already
tonight.

Now we only want
a dependable light lamp
glowing
with
above-average averageness
and simplicity.